Schoolgirl Warrior Set for Switch 2 Release in October

Oh boy, where to start with this one? I guess we’re diving straight into a world where schoolgirls are apparently the last line of defense against corporate zombies — go figure. So, we’re talking about this new game, “Full Metal Schoolgirl.” Coming at you on October 23rd, no less. Who’d have thought we’d be discussing cyborg schoolgirls fighting undead salarymen in a skyscraper? Anyway.

Let’s backpedal a bit. Yuke’s, the folks who gave us stuff like EARTH DEFENSE FORCE: World Brothers 2, are behind this chaos. And apparently, we’re in Japan in 2089. I was still trying to figure out today and now I gotta think about 2089? Jeez. Meternal Jobz is calling the shots — think big, evil corporation with, get this, a zombie cyborg workforce. Yep, someone went there.

So our heroine? A cyborg schoolgirl. That’s right, gear her up and send her packing through some 100-floor skyscraper — sounds like my morning commute but with more zombies. Throw in corporate honchos and a CEO you’ll probably love to hate. Nobuyuki Okajima, the big guy at D3Publisher, calls it a satire of capitalism. You know, students fighting in a dystopian gig economy. Wild.

Shouldn’t this be in 2023? Haha, kidding… kinda.

As for the gameplay? Get ready to kick some undead behinds, decked out in high-tech gear. Bash through floors of a skyscraper that keeps changing—like one of those maze games, but scarier. Plus, there’s a whole live streaming angle. Win fights, earn upgrades, and rack up donations from digital fans. Even when you’re down, remember, pixels somewhere are rooting for you. Weirdly comforting, actually.

No pre-orders yet, though. But there’s some website with extra stuff. Perfect if you need a rabbit hole to fall into. You in? Or maybe I am just dreaming this whole thing up. Who knows these days? Anyway—wait, where was I? Right, it’s a game. And somehow, maybe it’s just crazy enough to work.