Your controller’s on the fritz, you know? Ugh, anyway, let’s dive into this whole crazy Donkey Kong (a.k.a. “The Big Ape”) saga. Apparently, we at Radio Free Nintendo are all about the big guy. It’s just, like, a thing that is. Somewhere lost in our archives of yesteryears’ Now Playing sections, we declared our love for him. Can’t say why exactly, but it’s stuck.
So, while I was supposed to be writing—oops, got sidetracked—I started pondering whether “The Big Ape” truly fits Donkey Kong. No clue why, but I ended up consulting The Center for Great Apes (long story short, I’m easily distracted). They have this checklist for what makes an ape an ape:
– Hair not fur? Check, thanks to DK’s stylish quiff.
– Fingernails, not claws? Saw ’em in some art. Check.
– Opposable thumbs? Yep, sees his fists in action.
– Big brains? Well, he wears a tie and drives a car. Can marmots do that? Doubt it.
– Prehensility? Fists again, duh.
– Padded digits? No idea. Let’s circle back on that.
– Binocular vision? Punching prowess says yes.
– Less sniffing power? Unsure, but who cares?
Okay, so DK ticks enough boxes to be a proper ape. But here’s a shocker from the Apes Center: people often confuse apes with monkeys (I’m looking at you, Diddy). Monkeys have tails, apes don’t. Boom!
And about Diddy? Our little pal’s sadly not an ape. Plus, he’s likely to kick the bucket before DK. No more bananas for you, buddy. Moving on—
Oh! Donkey Kong Bananza had a Direct thingy on Wednesday. A 15-minute flash of game bits and plot twists. DK’s partnering up with young Pauline this time. This, of course, sets the internet ablaze with speculations about their rapport. Not wading into that mess, though.
Key points to jot down:
– Pauline’s human, thus also considered an ape. Who’d have thunk?
– Diddy? Definitely not.
– Diddy’s life expectancy? Short.
Looks like DK’s lining up a new partner for the future—poor Diddy.
Then there’s James with his all-over-the-place report on Fantasy Life i: The Girl Who Steals Time. So many things to manage! Ore mining to tool-making back to ore mining. Sounds draining, honestly.
After James, we had a breather. Next, Jon tackled console chaos and dove into trade offers at GameStop—cue spy thriller moment with Special Agent Steve from InfoSec. Honestly, just a wild ride.
Greg gave updates on Mario Kart World and F-Zero GX. Fascinating how both are pivotal for Switch 2, both racing but single-player-focused. Mario Kart World’s kinda massive. Guillaume and James even messed around with the Switch 2’s GameChat to stream F-Zero GX and Mario Kart World. Switch 2 Pro Controller impressions—Jon’s got those, too.
Finally, we brainstormed marketing gigs for Mario Kart World co. pitches—hit us up with ideas if you’ve got ’em!
Oh, and lesson learned: Donkey Kong’s “Big Ape” title is more nickname than alias. But hey, I’m still gonna mess up these title names until I’m six feet under, so whatever.
