New Update for Ark Ascended Coming in June 2025

Sure thing. Here’s a reimagined version:

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Okay, so I’m just sitting here with my coffee, right? And, boom! Ark: Survival Ascended drops this update outta nowhere. Feels like they’ve been cranking these out way too quickly. Anyway, it’s update number 67.49 or something, and it’s packed with a whole load of bug fixes. Kind of like how I decided to fix my diet by eating donuts. I mean, what even counts as a bug nowadays? Oh, and there’s some exploit fix too—I guess that’s a big deal, maybe?

June’s not over, and yet here we are, another update in the same month. Good for them, keeping it fresh since its early access days in October 2023. But how’s that only been two years? Time flies with these things. Almost feels like yesterday I struggled for hours trying to tame a virtual dino. If someone told me back then that it’d become this monster of a game, I might’ve laughed.

Anyway (or maybe not anyway), they’ve zapped a bunch of issues, stuff like progression glitches with the Ragnarok map —and I gotta say, I don’t get why those large beaver dams even matter. What’s next, a national beaver dam appreciation day?

Then there’s Astraeos’ Astrals —sounds like a band name, doesn’t it?— now finally being recognized among the Alphas. Took them long enough. Honestly, sometimes I think these devs just love keeping us guessing. I can almost hear the shoulder pets cheering for not being invisible anymore. Bet that’s a relief for them, let alone the players noticing their critters phantom-ing out mid-game.

And the swimming animations? Adjusted. Guess this helps players who didn’t realize their creatures swam with the grace of a brick. Also, templates or previews or whatever in the paint systems are getting cleared up too. I mean, creativity in dinosaur land is serious business (trust me, I tried painting one once. It was a mess).

But, really, what’s up with the game doing its “hotbar magic tricks”? Users couldn’t place stuff where they wanted or something—sounds familiar. It’s like trying to organize my junk drawer, if I’m honest.

They say the next big drop’s coming in August with the Valguero Ascended map and—oh boy—some fan-picked creature. That’s cool. But in the meantime, I’m sure we’ll see a few more patches. You know, keeping us on our toes. I’ll raise my mug to that.

So, if you’ve ever tried to keep track of these updates, you’ll feel me. It’s like trying to catch a greased pig at a county fair (don’t ask). Anyway, back to trying to craft some virtual gunpowder. Yeah, it’s that kind of Sunday.

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